The 50 Shades trilogy review

But first, a funny article from Thought Catalogue:

An Attempt At Naming All 50 Shades Of Grey

JUN. 27, 2012

I have not read the book Fifty Shades of Grey, nor do I have any idea what the book’s plot concerns. It has, if only at some low level, pervaded the media for the past month or so, and so I know the rough details — I know that it’s an erotic novel of some sort, loosely associated with Twilight (but perhaps not explicitly?) and that women love it. Still, what the color grey or the many shades in which it comes has to do with an erotic Twilight novel is beyond me. Rather than actually reading the book to find out what it’s about, here is an attempt at naming all fifty shades of grey.

  1. Pigeon
  2. Undiscovered shelf dust
  3. Mystery bruises
  4. Cement
  5. Cement (freshly poured)
  6. Overcast sky
  7. That Liam Neeson movie
  8. Grey Gardens
  9. Alexander de Grey
  10. Greyskull
  11. Unappetizing mashed potatoes
  12. Steel
  13. The face of someone you suspect might vomit
  14. Shed snakeskin
  15. Office carpet
  16. Expensive car interior
  17. Oyster
  18. Greyhound
  19. Newspaper
  20. Unwashed gym socks
  21. Old films
  22. Trash-can
  23. Hair of the elderly
  24. Earl Grey tea
  25. The Earl of Grey
  26. Grey Goose
  27. An actual grey goose
  28. Ashes
  29. Elephant
  30. Ocean (New Jersey)
  31. Grey matter
  32. Mirrors
  33. Hippopotamus
  34. Unpolished tin
  35. Triangle (instrument)
  36. Feeling while playing the triangle (instrument)
  37. Mixed-breed doves
  38. Week-old roadside snow
  39. Worrisome poops
  40. Egg cream
  41. Almost all large buildings
  42. Smog
  43. The moon
  44. Everything, while depressed
  45. Lithograph
  46. Castles
  47. Macbook Air (body)
  48. Puddle
  49. Expired silver paint
  50. Mark Zuckerberg’s Hoodie

My thoughts on the work:

1) It’s a very predictable plot (and I don’t see any parallelisms with Bella and Edward).

2) You’re in for a shock even if you’ve read tons of romance novels or erotic literature (Mills and Boon & Harlequin Romances are decent).

3) Every book ending does not have a cliffhanger effect (ergo it should have been condensed into one).

4) Its only redeeming factors are the witty e-mails.

5) I still do not understand what the text is sending as a message to its readers regarding the emotional and psychological wellness or unwell-ness of its characters in making the BDSM acts as a refuge or escape from childhood traumas.

6) Bookstores should refuse buyers who are below 18 yrs. (but it’s going around in pdf format already so oh well).

7) I don’t know how the hell this can translate into a TASTEFUL erotic movie.

If I have any worthwhile recommendation for a classic erotic book, that would be Delta of Venus by Anais Nin. If I had more time to do a study on how the 50 Shades trilogy wildfire affected (or skewed) the female perspective, I would.  If there’s any good that came out of this, it made the female population READ again. Other than that, its sublime implications are scary to me (I already read a theory predicting a baby boom, and that’s not quite good for overpopulated cities and countries).

Women, carry on. PLEASE.

Why The Amazing Spider-man movie is amazing!

Most people thought it was crazy to remake Spiderman and launch it as a completely different franchise after Tobey Maguire. After seeing the movie twice, I noticed what the previous franchise probably lacked, but this review is based on my own expectations on what I look for in a superhero movie.

A good superhero movie needs really clear ‘roots,’ and the new Spidey franchise created a firm foundation to propel our friendly neighborhood guy forward into a possible series like Superman. I appreciated the fact that it seemed like a prequel, wherein we FINALLY get to know what happened to Peter Parker’s parents (or an idea of it, at least). I am speaking in behalf of the common masses who haven’t read the graphic novels. We’ve always known about Aunt May and Uncle Ben, but now we’ve been given a sneak peek of where Peter’s abandonment/alienation issues came from. His father, Dr. Richard Parker, was a superstar scientist who secretly cracked the ‘decay rate algorithm’ on limb regeneration but who got into a mysterious accident that left Peter with his aunt and uncle. There, cat out of the bag. How Peter’s discovery of his father’s secrets led into the creation of a villain is such a good, logical basis for a linear storyline.

Kudos to the producers too for giving the parental roles to distinguished Hollywood actors Martin Sheen and Sally Fields who played their parts wonderfully. The heartbreak of losing one’s beloved guardian became real in this movie! My heart was still crushed even if I knew Uncle Ben has to die, hahaha.

Back to Andrew Garfield. He’s a GREAT actor, and he has a lot more facial expressions than Tobey Maguire (sorry). He’s adorkable as a fumbling romantic and impressive at the same time as an intellectual/scientist. His emotional depth as a character is authentic as the vulnerability and angst are quite tangible in his scenes (he cries, I cry).

Story wise, the tweaks in the Spidey notions made this movie a breath of fresh air. Peter Parker’s invention of the web and him utilizing the Biocable as a superhero technology is a welcome change to the icky, mutant aspect of the previous movies. It’s funny how I think he should be almost normal (like Batman) when a usual superhero has metaphysical powers, but I think I liked the fact that he was more of a genius than a physical freak. The coming-of-age element could potentially give the future sequel more character insights and dilemmas too because he realized his superhero destiny pre-Daily Bugle (and pre-MJ). It’s brimming with possibilities! My most important observation, however, would probably seem insignificant to some. I felt that it was wonderful that the screenplay made the movie so personal the factors building-up to his triumph over the villain made the climax inspirational and applause-worthy: Peter’s emotional discovery of his father’s leather bag and its secrets, his wearing his father’s glasses, Uncle Ben’s heart-wrenching message on voicemail, the help he gets from the mechanical crane guys as help for his choice of saving the little boy on the bridge than run after Lizard, and even Dr. Connor’s temporary humanity to save Spiderman from falling with his bad arm are just few of the little things that made it great. It’s all heart that’s why it moved me! Even Peter’s occasional interactions with Flash and that other nerd girl seen always observing him helped create his character, if you think about it. Everyone and everything contributed in his development as a person and as a superhero.

I love the movie so much I will buy the original dvd when it comes out (and am excited for all the bonus features that have the interviews of Andrew Garfield, squeeeee)! Good job, Sony! Too bad we won’t be able to see Spider-man joining The Avengers movies because Sony bought exclusive rights for our creepy crawly hero.

Sigh. Can’t wait for his next adventure! I wonder if they’re going to replace Gwen Stacy with Mary Jane already. I will definitely miss Emma Stone. See it guys! It’s one superhero movie you shouldn’t miss!